Heaven or Hell Page 6

  “Oh, Anna. No, nothing new yet. But this is his family.” The priest waved his hand.

  “Jessie?” Anna asked. “It’s been years …”

  Teresa’s eyes looked tired, although she kept her face expressionless in what Angel recognized as her “I’m done” look. Angel sensed Teresa was still here merely to please her aunt.

  Anna moved toward Teresa. “And you must be Teresa. I’ve known your father for such a long time. In fact, I remember you when you were a little girl.”

  The woman placed the slow cooker and the bag on the sidewalk. She then grabbed Teresa in a bear hug. Angel noticed Teresa’s body stiffen at the moment of impact. But Anna ignored Teresa’s standoffishness and squeezed even tighter.

  When Teresa eventually managed to step out of the woman’s grasp, she asked, “Do you know me?”

  “Oh, yes. I knew your mother, too.” Anna looked toward Teresa’s aunt. “Hello, Jessie. Do you remember me?”

  “I do. How are you, Anna? I’m surprised to see you again. It’s been years.” Jessie turned toward Teresa and said, “Anna was a friend of our family. Years ago she was at one of our first family reunions. She helped your mother in the kitchen.”

  “I looked a lot slimmer back then.” Anna looked away as she continued, “I’m so sorry about Juan.”

  “Thank you,” Jessie responded.

  “Were you in the kitchen when that lady caught her hair on fire? She was trying to light a cigarette on the stove,” Teresa asked.

  “I was that woman.” Anna laughed and continued, “But I’ve put some weight on since then.”

  “Did you know my family well?” Teresa questioned.

  “Not so much, dear. I’d met Juan at some meetings and he took me under his wing. Back then I had some issues with staying sober. That’s probably why I caught my hair on fire.”

  “Why didn’t my dad contact me before? You must’ve known I was out here.”

  “I didn’t know he hadn’t until Father Benjamin told me yesterday. I assumed he was in contact with you.” Anna exhaled. “We spend so much time working with other people. It’s hard to explain. I asked about you often, and your dad knew all the answers. He told me about your son, JJ, and your store. He said you had a rough patch with your husband and your divorce. He was so proud of you for raising JJ on your own and building a successful business. I thought you and your son were fully in his life. I really had no idea.”

  Anna swallowed. “He gave me all the answers for you too, Jessie. He said you lived in the same house and had really stepped up for Teresa when Marion had passed away.” Anna appeared apologetic. “In thinking about it now, he never mentioned being around either of you. Juan just knew what was going on in your lives.”

  Angel felt her heart race. Perspiration sprang out on her upper lip—though of course both were impossible. In reality, she’d completely tuned into this new woman’s feelings and physical reaction. Anna pulled a handkerchief out of her bag and wiped her upper lip.

  An uncomfortable silence continued for what seemed like several minutes until Father Benjamin spoke. “Well I guess it’s time to say our good-byes, at least for now.”

  Angel went to the car; she needed to get away from the emotions that had begun to cling to her. She didn’t like this type of somber energy. A few minutes away from the others and she’d be fine. She situated herself in the back seat and waited for Teresa and Jessie. Angel wanted to know the outcome of Father Benjamin’s attempt to persuade Teresa to visit her dad.

  As both women approached, it sounded as if they were arguing. “I’m just saying, we should see him. If only for a minute to tell him how we feel,” insisted Jessie.

  “Well, I’m sorry, Aunt Jessie, I’m really mad. If I hadn’t known better, I’d say the man that priest described was no relation of mine. I want to do this on my own terms, if at all.”

  “You know your mother paid Anna to help out. She was looking for work, and Joe had tried to give the woman a hand. I forgot about her hair catching on fire until you brought it up.” Jessie chuckled.

  “Auntie, you’re so sweet. You said she was a family friend.” Teresa softened.

  “Well, she sort of was. She was around for a while. I think Anna even babysat for you and Angela. Something happened and we never saw her again.”

  Angel somehow could see inside Teresa, saw her going through a load of inner conflict that spun around and around like laundry running through a “heavily soiled” cycle.

  Regret and confusion immediately poured out of Teresa’s mouth. “What about the storage unit? How’d he manage to do these things without our finding out? He has counselor credentials. He somehow saved stuff from the house and he lives like a pauper.”

  “Yes, I saw that.”

  “Auntie, I’m exhausted.” Teresa rubbed her left leg. “I can tell my dad’s around because he’s so draining, and I haven’t even seen him yet.”

  “What about JJ? What are you going to tell your son?”

  “I’ll pick him up from school and talk to him.”

  Angel had heard enough for one day. As much as she wanted to stay around for the journal and see what was in the “family” notebook, she needed a break. She left Teresa, and the woman who was possibly her own aunt, somewhere in Los Angeles. Her entire being cried out for a rest, and she needed the comfort of someone to talk to. Hopefully the girls were back “home” early today.

  Angel moved quickly to their current resting place. With merely a thought of the clouds they’d slept in last night, she was somehow transported right to the spot. Thank goodness, since the winds had moved the clouds pretty far south today. It had taken her weeks to find this particular set of clouds, two in all, with a special curve at the base. This set was perfect, at least for the time being—but eventually all clouds evaporate.

  Angel lay back in the middle of the formation, at the softest peak. She took a single scoop off of the far edge of the cloud and ran it through her long brown hair imagining the shine it would make. Longing for an ice cream, she closed her eyes and licked the side of her vanilla cloud. No taste, no feeling, all was the same.

  She curled up in a fetal position and closed her eyes. The need to sleep was a trait that had transferred with her into this existence. After the day’s events, Angel was physically drained—another memory but maybe not an impossibility, she thought as she fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

  “Wake up, my Angel, wake up.” Angel’s body shook from a gentle push on her shoulder and a voice that didn’t sound like Belle, or Kail. She stretched her arms out and turned on her side.

  “Angel. Wake up,” the male voice said.

  A male voice?! Angel bolted straight up into a sitting position on the cloud. “Who’s there?”

  “It’s me. Your dad,” the man answered.

  He sat on the far edge of the cloud dressed in blue-stripped pajama bottoms and a sleeveless T-shirt. His right leg hung over the side of the cloud. He smiled and his bright white teeth glowed against his warm-brown skin. The man was older. Though he had a full head of wavy dark hair, it was speckled with an occasional gray hair, and the thin mustache on his upper lip had gone almost completely gray. Although he frightened Angel at the suddenness of his appearance, he also captivated her with his beauty.

  “It’s been a long, long time, Angela,” the man said.

  Angel squinted and rubbed her eyes; maybe she was dreaming.

  “No, I’m really here. And, I’m there, too.” The man pointed down. “By the way, this is a fantastic view.”

  “Who are you?” Angel’s heart-memory pounded down to her toes. “Where are my pups?”

  “I didn’t see any pups, although you’ve always had a thing for dogs. Do you remember? The neighbor’s dog … well, any dog. They all loved you.” Her strange visitor took a deep breath. “Your mother had some dogs before she met me … Wow, i
t feels good to feel good.” He held his arms up to the sky and closed his eyes.

  “How’d you get here? Who are you?” Angel was amazingly calm about this invasion of her cloud. She sensed no danger from this man. And though he could be her father, yes, she had no memory of him.

  “I’m not sure how I got here,” he said. He smiled and continued, “As I told you, I’m your father. I came to take you home, where you belong.”

  “Who am I?” Angel asked.

  “After today you know who you are, and I’m going to help you remember the rest.” He stood up and the white, pillowy formation shifted.

  “Be careful with moving too fast,” Angel warned him. “We don’t weigh anything right now, but these vapors somehow sense our beings. We might fall out if you don’t relax.”

  He laughed. “My Angel, always following the rules. You’re a good kid.”

  His eyes sparkled as he looked at Angel. “I’m so happy to see you.”

  She felt uncomfortable with his intense inspection, as if he were soaking up every detail of her being, from her face to her inner soul.

  “What are you looking at?” Angel’s voice sounded strange, as if a bratty child had taken over her vocal cords.

  “Okay, I’m sorry. I want to remember you forever. Something I forgot to do when we were down there. I love you, Angela. And I’ve missed you.” The man blinked his eyes.

  “My name is Angel,” she whispered. “Tell me how you found me. How’d you get here?”

  “Technically, I’m not dead. My body’s hooked up to a lot of machines. The term for my current state of being is ‘comatose.’”

  “If I’m this person you say I am, then why don’t I remember me?” Angel asked.

  “Spending time up here eats away at your memory. Many people lose themselves this way. You’ve been here a long time.”

  “Who’s my mom?” Angel thought of the photo she’d seen earlier that day.

  “Marion is your mom and my wife. You were right, you saw her in the picture.”

  “How do you know that?” Angel folded her arms in disbelief. What type of trickery was this man up to?

  “I communicate with your mom,” he answered.

  “What? How?” Angel had been trying for years to break the barrier with Teresa.

  “You’d be amazed at what obstacles a determined woman like your mother can overcome. Not to mention she’s pissed at me.” He smiled sadly.

  Angel cringed at the sound of the “p” word. Perhaps this was a reaction from her time in a physical body. She didn’t like cursing, and certainly she hadn’t developed the habit in the flesh.

  “How can you be in two places at once?” Angel asked.

  “I don’t know. I think my body is in that hospital bed and my spirit is here.” He ran his hand through his hair. “It happened so fast.”

  He turned into the cloud and moved closer to Angel as he spoke again. “I use to call you Angel, Angel. Because you’re my angel. I like that you kept that name.”

  He placed his hands on Angel’s arms. “Your sister, Teresa, was driving since she’d promised you a trip to the mall. The two of you loved doing things together. I know the radio was playing because the ambulance driver told me the music was still on when he got there.”

  He hesitated for a moment. “It was a hit and run, by a suspected drunk driver. You were thrown from the car—either your seatbelt wasn’t fastened, or it didn’t work. You didn’t make it to the hospital. Teresa survived, but she was hurt. I’m sure you’ve seen the scar on her left leg.”

  Angel pulled away from his grasp and sat down. “How’d I end up like this? I want to remember!”

  “You were supposed to wait here for your mother and go with her.” The man perched across from Angel. “I messed up. I tried to drink myself to death, with a complete disregard for my life and my family.”

  “When am I going to remember what happened?” Angel pounded her fists down on her thighs and could almost feel the impact of the blows.

  “I know it’ll take some time for the memories to come back. You’re experiencing a sort of amnesia.”

  Angel sighed, deflated by the realization she wasn’t going to get what she wanted right now. “Tell me about the woman who sent you to me, the one you say is my mother. Or tell me what she said, or how you learned these things.”

  The cloud adjusted to each movement as Angel stood up and put her hands on her hips.

  The man pursed his lips. “Your mother told me you stayed behind because you didn’t want to leave Teresa alone. You have free will. She couldn’t force you to go along with her.” His eyes smiled at Angel as he whispered, “You’re a brave young lady, my Angela.”

  He reached out to her but she turned aside to avoid his touch—a touch she wouldn’t have felt anyway. “I should’ve been the one to take care of Teresa,” he said. “If I’d handled it better perhaps you’d have felt good about going with your mother and leaving Teresa with me.”

  Her jaw dropped as the whole thing began to make sense. She’d been with Teresa all these years. Why else would she have felt a connection with no reciprocation from Teresa?

  The man who claimed to be her father leaned in and continued, “I’m sorry. I’ve learned a lot in this life, and most of it the hard way. I’ve hurt many people, but until recently I didn’t recognize how far this ripple of pain had run.”

  Angel had to acknowledge he might be her father. So she sat quietly and listened to what possibly explained this existence of hers.

  “And if you think about it, here I am sitting with you, my baby girl. Had I known this day would come, I might not have stepped off the wagon all those years ago,” he said.

  Angel nodded.

  “Life is a big circle. It does come back around.” He gazed at her with an emotion she couldn’t fathom.

  “Were you religious—or if it’s true, were we a religious family?” Angel asked.

  “No, we never did the church thing together. Your Aunt Jessie and I had to go to Catholic school, and that was enough for both of us.”

  “Tell me about the woman you say is my mom.” Angel relaxed and propped herself up on her side.

  The man smiled at her. “You use to lie like that in front of the TV. I’ve missed my girls … Your mother is, and has always been, the strength behind this man.” He tapped his chest. “She saved my life twice, and now she’s helping to resurrect my soul.”

  “Resurrect?”

  “Okay, that’s a bit dramatic. She’s reluctantly helping me so that I can help you.”

  “Oh,” Angel responded. The thought of her mother wanting to help her in some way gave her a warm feeling, though she didn’t really know who her mother was.

  “Quite some time ago, I’d wake up and have a vague recollection of your mother yelling at me. I realized it was part of a dream, but then over time the images fully invaded my dreams. Your mother had worked hard and learned how to communicate with me from, I guess, the other side. After all, she is deceased.”

  The man—her father?—took a deep breath. “She was so angry. She’d waited for you to follow her. She spoke to you and tried to get you to go with her when she passed, but though you promised to be there soon, you’re still not with her. Your mom has been trying to get your attention ever since.

  “For a long time after, she sent me visions of you here in the clouds. As these dreams occurred and grew steadily stronger, I only drank more. I thought I was being haunted, and so I tried to escape.”

  The man touched his stomach and his arms, and then he looked down at his hands and flexed his fingers. “I feel as if I need a drink of water. Or, no, I think my time with you here is running out …”

  “Don’t leave me hanging, please keep talking,” Angel begged him. She believed she was very close to learning what had happened to her.

  “
According to Marion, your mom, it was all my fault and she’d had every intention of making my life a living hell until I fixed it. Who could blame her?” He glanced around as if unsure that he was still with Angel.

  “How’d she tell you that?”

  “Oh, I’m jumping ahead …”

  Angel turned away from the man for a second to look at the sunset and see if she could locate the girls. Belle and Kail were usually back by now, but maybe the sight of a stranger in their cloud had kept them away.

  As soon as she took her eyes off of him, she knew it was a mistake; the cloud tipped up and she felt the space behind her go empty. The man she’d been speaking to was gone.

  CHAPTER 7

  TERESA RESISTED THE TEMPTATION TO TAKE the journal she’d found in her father’s house and burn it later. Instead, when she’d dropped off her aunt, Teresa gave her the book and told her to throw it away if she didn’t want it. Teresa’s shoulders were tight and her brain had gone numb.

  She’d headed toward JJ’s school and let her mind go empty. A few minutes later, she looked up to see the familiar flag in front of the building, but didn’t remember a single image from the drive.

  She sent JJ a text to let him know she was waiting out front. Teresa smiled as she reread her message to JJ, every word spelled out. He’d teased her about her texting skills because she always spelled each of the words.

  His response came through with a rattle and a beep. It appeared he’d be out in about fifteen minutes; at least she wasn’t completely clueless about reading his text code.

  Teresa leaned her head back and closed her eyes. Memories she’d spent a lifetime repressing were beginning to come to the surface. She recalled her father and mother whispering late at night—or what a little girl might have thought was late. Her entire being wanted to believe they loved each other, but in the hushed tones after she and Angela went to bed she’d sensed something was amiss. This had been years ago, and now she suspected it was around the period Aunt Jessie had said her father and mother’d split for a short time. Try as Teresa might, other details didn’t come to her.