Heaven or Hell Read online

  “Who?” JJ looked around as he followed Teresa quickly through the waiting area, almost unable to keep up. “What’s your hurry?”

  “Shhh, I don’t want to talk to the church folks.” Teresa tried to move JJ to a spot between her and the lounge, but he fidgeted away from her tugs. “Hold still.”

  “What’d you call them?”

  “The ‘do-gooders.’ That type drives me crazy because they’re always into everyone’s business.”

  Angel stood next to Teresa and closely examined her facial expressions and her demeanor. She didn’t really pay attention to JJ until he spoke again.

  “Don’t hold back, Mom. Tell me how you really feel.”

  “It’s crazy, I know. I guess maybe being a ‘do-gooder’ is someone’s job, because God knows there are folks who could use the help. But keep them away from me. Many of those people seem to be busybodies too.” Teresa’s voice rose.

  “Shhh. You’re about to give away our location.” JJ laughed. “This is a covert operation, remember?”

  “Okay, laugh all you want. But, you’ll see—it’s annoying. They’re annoying.”

  “Who’s annoying?” Feistiness filled the air with the arrival of Aunt Jessie. The short, powerful woman more than held her own when away from the church and the priests. Angel saw Jessie through different eyes than she had previously. She admired this woman—her possible relative. Angel would definitely talk to Teresa’s Aunt Jessie—her Aunt Jessie?—if she believed she would be heard.

  “Oh, hello, Auntie. How long have you been here?”

  “I just arrived and walked right over to you. Why?”

  “So much for hiding out of the way, Mom.” JJ Laughed.

  “All right, Dude. Let’s go find Joe.”

  Angel saw the priest approach Teresa and knew they’d be held up, so she moved quickly through the halls, ahead of the group. She wanted some alone time with Joe, and oh how she hoped he’d be able to see her again. Either way, she’d still speak out loud to him—maybe he had the ability now to see her, either in or out of his coma.

  She rounded the hallway in the direction the father had just come from, and with such speed she almost felt her hair flowing behind her in the breeze. Angel even imagined the wind on her cheeks as she raced to the room where she believed her the man who claimed to be her dad was resting peacefully in a coma. She had to see him.

  As Angel approached the door to her supposed father’s hospital room, she saw a set of bare feet at the entrance—the feet of a man whose body lay on the floor. Sometimes it was difficult for her to know what was in the living world and what was not. Maybe her clue was the fact that this man was lying on the hospital floor, but somehow she knew he wasn’t in the physical world.

  “Hello. Can you hear me? Where am I?” the stranger asked. His hands reached upward as if they were claws and his mouth bent grotesquely toward the left side of his face.

  Angel ignored the man, and stepped over him into her father’s hospital room. She hated to be so rude, but she feared he’d keep her for hours while she tried to explain what happened to him and where he was.

  Joe was in the bed farthest from the door, so she moved through the curtain and was at his side in no time.

  “Hey, you didn’t finish explaining things to me.” Angel sniffled a bit, but she knew her tears weren’t real. The emotions clung to her from other people, a side effect from staying close to this place where beings were housed in physical shells.

  “I’m right here.” She jumped at the voice from behind her and turned to see Joe sitting in the chair across from his body. “It’s that dual thing we talked about earlier, because I’m not dead yet.”

  He pointed at his body and continued, “The priest, my friend Father Benjamin, said a powerful prayer and made a nice apology. Well, it’s what pulled me out of the cloud a little while ago. And as you know, I’ve got some business to attend to in that body—so I had to come back anyway.”

  “I know you do. They’re on their way down here, Jessie, Teresa, and JJ. All of them. But, you and I aren’t done yet. I want to remember … I want to know how you talk to the woman you say is my mom.”

  “Remember the ouija board when you were a kid?”

  “The what?” Angel asked.

  “Oh, never mind. It was a bad joke.” Her dad stood up. “Let’s take a walk and we’ll discuss it—okay?”

  “You might want to stay in here …” Angel was about to warn him, but her dad was already at the door and looking down at the barefooted man lying in the hallway.

  “Hey, man.” Joe leaned closer to the man as he spoke. “I think you’re not alive anymore, and you need to stay near your body for the prayers and such.” He turned back to Angel. “Is that how this works?”

  “Sort of. It’s not a bad idea, actually. It’ll help him get his bearings.” Angel wished she’d thought of that—Joe had good instincts.

  Joe reached his hand out for her as he stepped into the hallway, and Angel made the gesture of holding his hand. She smiled. She wanted to believe her time in limbo would be over soon.

  “What’s the story? Tell me about my mother,” Angel demanded.

  “The most extraordinary woman I know.” Joe’s smile brightened. “You’ll be seeing her again, real soon.”

  “How’d she tell you about me and stuff? Please finish what you were telling me.”

  “Oh, well, it’s nothing special, Angela.” Her father guided her toward the exit door. “I want to walk outside. Is that okay?”

  Angel nodded.

  “My communication with her has been entirely through my dreams and more recently by way of my prayers, or what I call meditation. Weird, isn’t it? We’re all so close together, both the dead and the living, yet we’re all so far apart. Some dimensional-science crap I’ll never understand. It has a lot to do with vibrations and the speed of the atoms, things I don’t know much about. Start with the idea that even the objects here on earth aren’t as material as they seem to be. A lot of busy particles in motion make up the physicality of our existence. They speed around so fast we can’t tell that nothing is actually solid.”

  “So you haven’t seen her or spent time with her like you and I are doing now?” Angel asked.

  “Oh, no. I’m afraid she’d wallop me if we met in person.” He laughed. “I’m joking. We’ll be together again one day. But for now, our speeds of vibrations are way too different. It’s not easy for me to be in this state today, so somehow I know she’s behind this—all of it. I don’t know how, but she’s helped arrange this whole thing that’s taking place right now and what’s about to take place.”

  “How do I get my confirmation? I want to remember something from my life before. Will I ever?” The questions flew out of Angel’s mouth.

  “Yes, my dear, you will. I promise. Have some faith for now. Go with your gut feelings, because you know this is all true.”

  He stopped and bent down to Angel to look into her eyes. “And your sister is starting to hear you a little.” He smiled shyly. “I’m going to need your help with Teresa because she’s a tough one. My actions caused her to deal with more than any young girl should ever have to face, and still she has a long time to live. I want her life to be better. She’s not really living now—have you noticed?”

  Angel felt overwhelmed by all this information. “How do you know this?”

  “Your mother tells me, that’s how. You know … like I just explained, when I meditate or sleep.”

  Angel put her hand near Joe’s, and as they walked around the hospital grounds she wondered if anyone in their physical bodies going here and there could see them. “What have you done for all these years, and why did it take you so long to come and find me? I’ve been so alone …”

  “Angel, I really screwed up.” He stopped and knelt before her. “Can you forgive me? I will somehow make th
is up to you.” Joe wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.

  “You can’t cry in this realm, you know. As much as you want them to, the tears will never come.” Angel stood in front of Joe and touched his forehead. She whispered, “I hope this works.”

  “It has to work.” He bolted straight up into a standing position and continued, “We have to get back to my hospital room. Will you help me to help your sister? Whisper to her, stay with her … I know your sister is starting to hear you.”

  Angel nodded and the two of them walked together, hand-in-hand to where Joe’s body lay in a coma.

  CHAPTER 11

  TERESA LED HER FAMILY DOWN THE hall while she held her insides together. Almost numb, she was fully aware that her confident walk and talk was all make-believe while a mushiness of raw nerves sat directly underneath the surface. JJ was such a blessing to her, especially through this recent event with her father. Her son made everything seem so simple that sometimes she forgot he was a teenager, until he’d remind her of it with his behavior.

  “JJ, stop it. Will you please calm down?” she reprimanded him as he bounced of the walls and peeked in every room they walked past.

  “Okay, okay.”

  “Did you have too much soda or something? You’re acting like a child.”

  “I am a child,” he snapped back, and then, as if to stave off the impending fight, he winked and smiled. “I’m seeing my grandpa for the first time. I can’t help it.”

  She resisted the urge to slap him and walked on in silence while he hopped around Aunt Jessie.

  “What do you think, Auntie?” JJ asked her.

  “About what, JJ?”

  “About this whole thing. It’s kind of weird, isn’t it?” JJ walked sideways and so close to Aunt Jessie he was almost in her face, as if he were attempting to see into her brain and read her thoughts.

  Teresa grabbed JJ’s arm as hard as she could. “I’m sorry, Aunt Jessie. I don’t know what has gotten into him.” Teresa turned to JJ. “What’s wrong with you?”

  The group stood in the hall, unnoticed by passersby, as the busyness of the hospital continued around them. Teresa watched her son’s face grow calmer. “I don’t know. I guess I’m nervous.”

  “Well stop it. Stop it right now.” Teresa dropped his arm. “Quiet please. I need you to be quiet.”

  The urge to slap her son subsided as Teresa focused on the visit that was about to take place. She led her aunt and JJ down the hall while she thought of her father.

  What had he been up to the last five years? The man was sober, and he’d been living within miles of her and JJ. After her mother’s funeral Teresa had stayed in their family home alone, and everyday she dreamt of her father’s return. At some point after that, her Aunt Jessie moved her out of the house. She’d told Teresa it was not okay to sit in the dark and cry all day long.

  Teresa’s BlackBerry brought her back to the current moment as an e-mail vibrated upon its arrival. Kelly had cleaned up the back room and had learned that one of the other part-timers had an emergency and left early on Sunday. Teresa would have to deal with this later. She turned off her phone and approached the nurses’ station with her aunt and son at her heels.

  “Hello. We’re here to see my father, Joseph Torres. Can you tell me if the doctor is available?” she asked.

  The nurse looked over the top of her glasses at Teresa and spoke. “Oh, we love Juan. Let me find Willa, his nurse. She’s been with him most of the time, and she definitely knows the doctor’s schedule.”

  For a second, Teresa’s insides warmed at the thought of so many good folks around her father, and then the feeling died as it collided with her grinding jaw. Her father, the saint, never offended any person, unless of course he was related to them. Teresa took a deep breath and reminded herself this emotional roller coaster would be over soon.

  The nurse picked up the phone and spoke softly to someone on the other end of the line. She covered the mouthpiece while she spoke to Teresa. “Willa is in his room right now. It’s 424—down the hall to the left …”

  Walking away, Teresa heard the nurse speak again into the phone. “I’m sending them down. I know, I thought he had no family as well.”

  JJ grabbed Teresa’s hand. “Mom, I’m here, and we’re family. Don’t pay any attention to those do-gooders.”

  Teresa smiled at how JJ had gotten it wrong and quickly decided not to go there with him. “Thank you, son.” Teresa grabbed his chin with her free hand and kissed him on the cheek.

  “Yuck.” He laughed.

  Her Aunt Jessie moved along quickly and now stood directly in front of Teresa and JJ, blocking the entrance to room 424. “Okay, let’s talk about this visit.”

  “I thought we’d just see the nurse and the doctor, if possible, and say our good-byes,” Teresa said.

  “So that’s your plan. I think you need some time alone with your father to talk with him, regardless that he’s in a coma.” Aunt Jessie had a stubborn look on her face.

  “Okay, Auntie. Let’s first see what the doctor says. Then we can play it by ear,” Teresa answered.

  “Do you know when you walk through that door to see the nurse, you’ll be with your father?” Her Aunt Jessie crossed her arms and nodded toward the hospital room.

  “Yes, and that’s why we’re here. Are you nervous or something?” Teresa asked.

  “I’m concerned for you. But if you’ve thought this through …” Her Aunt Jessie hesitated for a moment. “Well, then, let’s do it. Let’s go see my brother … your dad.”

  Saying that, Aunt Jessie moved through the door at once, leaving Teresa in the hospital corridor wondering exactly what had just happened.

  “That was weird,” JJ said.

  “No stranger than you bouncing off the walls a few minutes ago. Come on, let’s go.” Teresa and JJ stood in the hallway for a few seconds and then entered the hospital room. Her father lay in the second bed, on the far side of the room, tethered to machines emitting a series of steady beeps and wheezes. A nurse stood at the window alongside Jessie.

  “Are you sure your brother doesn’t have a twin somewhere?” Teresa heard the nurse ask Aunt Jessie.

  “Oh, no, Willa. My brother’s one of a kind.”

  “I swear I saw him walking outside with a young girl. It’s the strangest thing.” The nursed turned and nodded at JJ and Teresa who had entered the room and now stood at the foot of Joe’s bed. “Oh, hello. I’m Willa, Juan’s nurse.”

  “I’m Teresa and this is my son JJ. Joe—well, Juan—is my father.”

  “Well, I’m glad to meet you. Your dad’s stable, now,” the nurse responded.

  “Do you know if the doctor’s available? I’d like to speak to him.” Teresa licked her lips. Her mouth was dry. She was afraid to look directly at her father, but cast an oblique glance at the figure in the bed—not enough to see his features, but just enough to notice the grey stubble on his face. She supposed they didn’t shave him every day.

  “Your timing is good because the doctor makes his evening rounds just about now. He’ll be here any minute,” the nurse answered.

  “Is Joe still in a coma?” Aunt Jessie asked.

  “Yes. But I’ve seen his eyes flicker. It’s a sign that he might come out of it.” The nurse moved to the other side of the room and pulled over a chair. “Sit down, please.”

  “Willa, you sure are an attentive nurse. Do you have any other patients?” Teresa’s voice sounded shrill to her, almost unrecognizable.

  “Teresa, that’s rude,” her Aunt scolded her.

  “Oh, no. That’s okay, Jessie.” The nurse turned to Teresa. “I do have other patients. But I like your dad a lot. He’s helped so many folks in this part of town that he’s somewhat of a legend. You know, he did the impossible with my brother, sobered him up and got him a job. I’ve known Juan … or, Joe, for quite
some time.”

  “I’m sorry. It’s not your fault he abandoned his family years ago and drank himself into oblivion.” Teresa felt her throat close around the words.

  “It’s not my fault and it’s none of my business. I’ll be at the nurses’ station if you need anything.” Willa left the hospital room.

  “Now why’d you do that, Teresa?” her aunt asked her.

  “I’m so over hearing about my father the saint. Come on now, you have to be tired of it too.”

  “Actually, I’m kind of proud of Joe. At least he tried to do something with his life.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Mom, Aunt Jessie,” JJ interrupted. “Look.” He pointed toward the bed.

  Joe’s eyes blinked. His head moved from left to right as he took in a deep breath of air.

  CHAPTER 12

  JOE FELT THE HEAVINESS OF HIS body. He’d wished he could’ve stayed in the dream, or was it reality? It seemed real, it felt real, and most importantly it mirrored everything he’d been going through over the years.

  His body was done with this world, and Joe could sense the onset of death in every pore of his being. His eyelids were heavy, and he felt as if a lead anvil had been placed in his stomach. The pain he’d imagined, or experienced, at the beginning of his hospital stay was now completely gone. The doctor must’ve given him some serious medication.

  He sucked in oxygen. Still alive. Joe wished for strength to get through this last phase of his life. On his left side was a continual beep, and on his right a low-level hum from the machines. His right arm lay strapped down, attached through a tube via a needle, to a bag of fluid.

  Joe smacked his dry lips and let the realization sink in. All that he was and all that he’d ever be was about to be wrapped up. The final days of his life. He laughed at the sound of it, like a soap opera: “The Final Days of His Life.”

  Joe moved his left hand. He knew the remote to the bed was somewhere close. He wanted to sit up and couldn’t accomplish this on his own. Somehow his head turned right as he fully opened his eyes, and although his vision was rather blurred, his eyes met the eyes of a young man who stood in his room just outside the line of where the curtain would be if it were pulled shut.